They called me Delilah. This is part of my deconstruction story.
After hearing the words I was never meant to hear, I had nothing to say to the one who spoke them. But I had much to say to everyone I ever encouraged to volunteer at the church who disguised itself as a well intentioned food bank. Oddly no one listened. Eh, no worries. I’m sure the volunteers are ok with donating money to the pastor’s daily Starbucks ritual and the idea of “praying the gay away” which this church boasted of.
The names in this post are changed except for Lopaka’s. That is my husbands name.
It was a Wednesday late afternoon when the two head pastors, a husband and wife, of this church near where I live scheduled back to back massage appointments with Lopaka, my now husband. First the man, then the woman. Lopaka and I both anticipated what happened next but the level of deceit still caught me off guard. Thankfully, he and I both knew she planned on trapping him into a private conversation. She had no idea he recorded this conversation. So maybe I should say this is for entertainment purposes only? After all, it was quite entertaining.
I recognized her voice but not the way she spoke.
“Son, you know I love you, right?” she said in a gentle tone.
“Absolutely.”
“I love you. We all love you. You know that. But son,” she paused. It reminded me of the way people pause in speeches to let the cadence of their words add dramatic flair.
“We’re worried about you. We’re very worried. Son you are under attack. The devil is attacking you and you know we have your back but we can’t let this continue any longer,” her voice quivered.
“Ok.”
“The devil has sent a Delilah to distract you from your walk with the Lord,” silent pause. She continued, “The Holy Spirit told me, and you know he and I we tight, you understand? I will, I’ll tell him, I’m about to tell him right now (Lopaka said she looked up at the ceiling when she said that) And the Holy Spirit told me you have walked away,” her voice quivered and she sniffed.
“Son, you have walked away from the Lord all for…that…girl. And we are very concerned because you know we all miss you. We ALL miss you. Michael misses you. You know he’s already had his brother Timmy talk away from him and he can’t lose another brother,” she sniffed. “He needs his brother back. Where did you go son? Where did you goooo?” her voice trailed off at the end.
“I’ve been here. Nothing’s changed I’m still here for him. I’m still here for all of you,” Lopaka said with a gentle tone.
“No son. You’re not here. This isn’t YOU. This is that GIRL and her work of the devil. You have walked away from the Lord, you haven’t been getting into his word. God hasn’t heard from you and he is asking me where his son went and I am responsible for you. What am I supposed to tell God? That his son gave in to the temptation of the devil? To a Delilah? That you walked away from years with God and your family all for that…girl? No, son! This is spiritual warfare!” she spoke firmly.
“You have neglected your relationship with the Lord and as a result your life has begun a downward spiral. I talked to your brother. He sees it. He sees what you’re doing he and I about to have a talk too don’t you worry but right now, I’m here for you. But it’s ok son. I’ve got you! That’s my job! That’s a mama’s job, you hear me?”
“Yes ma’am I hear you,” Lopaka said.
“Now son. You’re gonna break up with that Delilah. Tell the devil he has NO PLACE in your life REBUKE THAT DEVIL and we gonna get you back on track, you hear me? Get back into the woooord, talk to God, son. He’ll help you through it. He will forgive you! He already has! It doesn’t matter how long you been gone you come back like the prodigal son! And you know what? I forgive you. Dad forgives you. Michael already forgives you. And your sister,” she laughed, “you now she’s the hard one but, hehe, she’ll forgive you too.”
“Hehe yes, I get it,” Lopaka said.
“Son, get your self back into the woooord, back talking’ to God and we gonna have you come to the church for Thursday prayer. It’s time you started leading in prayer and stepping into God’s plan for your life. Son, you’re gonna make a lot of money in the ministry. A lot of money. In the ministry. We are gonna lift you up on our shoulders and pour into you so the Holy Spirit can do a good work in you! And once you get back into God’s word and you start talking to him and trusting in him for a wife, you’ll see your…Esther.”
“My Esther?” Lopaka asked.
“Uh oh, was I supposed to say that?” she said, looking up at the ceiling again. “Oops! Oh well, too late now hehe! Yes, son. Your Esther. She will love you, and pour into you, and she will be double breasted. Double. Breasted,” she gestured towards one of her own breasts and then the other. “Your Esther is waiting! But you won’t see her until you get back into your relationship with the Lord, you hear me son?”
“Yes ma’am I hear you.”
“Son, pick up the word and be on fire for God again. I. MISS. YOU. I miss your strength, I miss our talks, that presence of a man ‘a God! We can’t wait to rise you up into the plan God has for you, son! Michael has been pouring into you and you’re ready! You’re ready. We’ve been talking about that and you know your sister she seen this Delilah coming from a mile away but you didn’t listen to her but you’re gonna listen to me now. She called in mama! But that’s ok, we’ll talk about that when we can all be together again so you can start speaking that word over all of us on Sunday mornings! Mmmmm. Picture it! You and your Esther! Doesn’t that sound great son? Do you hear me? You’ll have you wife you’ve been searching for! She’s right in front of you!”
“Yes I hear you,” I heard Lopaka’s voice say.
“But you know I’m a protective mama bear. If that Delilah doesn’t stay away from you, I’ll go after her. I got chains, I got knives, you know me I’m hood I’m street! That Delilah better stay faaaar away from my son. No devil he can’t have you not today not ever!” she said with a chuckle.
Then she told him they were going to partake in communion together. She brought the little cups of grape juice and the little crackers. She didn’t ask. She told him. And of course she prayed her own desires at him then the sabotage ended with a hug and she sounded so certain she had taken control of him. She told him to call Michael.
But he didn’t. He came straight to me. And we listened to the recording together.
Shortly after, we sent an email to all the pastors letting them know that we would not be back to their church disguised as a food bank.
The audacity. The manipulation. The theatrics.
Lopaka told me he saw this woman’s phone at the top of her purse after the massage and he saw text messages from her daughter, Michael’s wife. The texts were for her mother and mentioned key points to be sure to say during the meeting.
And they may never know how she exposed them all for who they truly are.
On the very first day Lopaka and I started seeing each other (like dating), we prayed for each other every damn morning (looooong drawn out prayers because we meant well) and we both read our Bibles more than we ever had. We studied them together from about 7pm until 1-2am every night. And what they also didn’t know is that we knew they were coming. Hearing that woman talk, she seemed certain he had abandoned all of that when in fact it had increased. She had no idea.
As we saw, she doesn’t have that “connection” she said she had. None of her family does.
While I don’t take the Bible seriously now, I find it ironic that reading the Bible is what showed us the way out of that church and out of organized religion.
“It’s like a free ride when you’ve already paid,” -Alanis Morissette